Nursing and Single Parenthood?
Ok, I'm a single mum as the title says, my son is 18 months old and I'm 21, his dad isn't involved, and we're English. When he was born, I applied to study nursing in London (I live about two hours away so we'd move). To my amazement I was given an unconditional offer at one of the two top places in the country to do it. I ended up deferring that year as it was looking difficult to start it all then with my son so young. Then by the end of last year things were looking pretty impossible. I'd be working irregular shifts, including the odd very occasional nightshift, leading to massive childcare problems, I think the only way I could do it was if I had an au pair, which would mean needing an extra room which I don't know if I could afford. I'd be working many hours a day and then coming home and having to do more work and I was worrying I'd get no time with my son. And I'd be in London, and although it's my dream to move away and start a new life elsewhere and this is probably my only opportunity, the fact that I have a baby and no friends or family around there is a bit nervewracking. So I ended up declining my place, and now I'm studying an Open University degree in history from home, which is ok but not particularly inspiring if I'm honest, and I still live with my dad which is driving me slowly insane. However now they've been sending me welcome letters and I've just had an answerphone message asking if I'm still going to be attending in September, so they have obviously neglected to record the fact that I've withdrawn, so it feels like I've been given another opportunity. I need to ring back today or tomorrow and let them know and I just don't know what to do. Everything seems to be pointing against me doing it, but it just feels like I'm turning down a massive opportunity to study somewhere really good and be directed straight into a stable career. And this is my last chance, because in future years they are getting rid of the diploma in nursing, and I don't have the qualifications to get onto the degree. However I would not sacrifice my relationship with my son for anything in the world. But I really don't know if it's going to be as bad as I'm imagining. I also think that, even when I'm done studying, working as a nurse and being a single mother is going to mean I'm missing a lot of things for my son. His birthday is 3 days after Christmas so statistically I would miss at least one of these occasions every year, for example, and I hate the thought of him being stuck with relatives without me. Has anybody done this, or been close to anybody who has? Be completely honest with me - is it a viable option for a single parent, both the studying and the actual career? Or do I need to say goodbye to it and keep doing what I'm doing now?
Parenting - 3 Answers
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1 :
I have a friend who went off to university and her daughter was around 10 months. No I'm not going to sit here and say it was easy to do because she also had many childcare issues. But you know what. Go for the open even at least. See what your options are. Also you could start looking around for childcare. You may be able to apply for tax credits to help towards childcare costs. But whats the harm in going to the open evening? You never know. This could be the opportunity you needed.
2 :
I'm also a single mom and I think you should totally do this or you will forever regret it. I got pregnant with TWINS in my 1st year of college, gave birth to them 1 week after exams, went back for second year when they were 4 months old, graduated, worked for a year or so, went back to college for a different diploma when they were 2.5 years old, graduated a year later. I also work in a field that requires me to work odd hours, occasional overnights, occasional holidays ect. When I first took the job, I thought it would be so difficult, but it really hasn't been. My family has really stepped up to help, my boyfriend watches them sometimes too. You said you have no friends or family around you, but you could make friends. You can hire occasional babysitters, don't have to go all out on an au pair, but hey if you think that's what you need, then do that. Since you'd have to move, why not try and find like a roomate who instead of paying rent, babysits your son? I strongly believe in that cliche "where there's a will, there's a way". Think back to when you were pregnant, weren't you scared, didn't you think taking care of a baby on your own would be impossible? but you found a way. As far as working as a nurse, there's so many different types of nursing jobs out there. Nurses who work in doctor's offices or schools never have to work evenings/weekends/overnights. Yes, if you work in a hospital or nursing home you may need to work some holidays. I've had to work some holidays, but I don't have to work the whole day. You might end up working an 8-4 shift on X-mas, well you're still home for dinner, or if it's a 4pm-midnight shift then you'd be there for X-mas morning and afternoon. Or his birthday, well most people aren't home the entire day on their kids b-day. Parents work, kids go to school, they celebrate at dinnertime, have a party on the weekend before or after. I don't think these are problems that should make you reconsider a career in nursing altogether.
3 :
I'm a single mum of two children age 2 and 4. I am also a nurse. I work for a private company now, 3 days a week, 8am-6pm. I get plenty of time with my children, reading bedtime stories to them on my work days is always a lovely way to end my day. I absolutely love my job, I give chemo and other IV therapies to patients in their own homes. I do have to be on call on a regular basis, but have never been called out yet. I have a fantastic childminder, so I'm very lucky in that respect. Have you considered sharing a nanny or au pair with another single mum? You could ask at the college if they have a nursery, or they may know of one. There is always a solution! Don't give up your dreams of becoming a nurse! Its the best and most rewarding job in the world and I love it! Good luck!
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